I woke up alone today... my love was on call at the hospital. But when I checked my email, a beautiful ode was waiting for me:
Advantages of a Power Dwarf
"Dr. Matthew Rose, DO"
In spite of their rarity, the Power Dwarf is well worth owning. There are many advantages to keeping one of the stumpiest of land mammals. They are capable of diverse adaptations, from advanced financial manipulation to highly expert plushination. The Power Dwarf is only found in two regions of the planet: the extreme altitudes of the Himalayan Mountains (Snow Dwarf), and the forest floor of Borneo (Classic Power Dwarf). Extremely elusive, and previously thought to be extinct, the PD was on the Crypto zoologist honor roll with such creatures as the Chupacabra (the goat-sucker), and Bigfoot (the big hairy bastard). Prior to 1971, the only physical evidence of their nonextinction was from a remote expedition in 1911, which found a thenar distal phalange found crushed between two trees. In 1971 a newborn PD was found abandoned high in the Bornian canopy. Zoologists decided the nearest appropriate choice to raise the Dwarf was the Tundra Gray Wolf. A great challenge was to socialize the Power Dwarf, an inherently violent and skittish creature. The greatest hurdle however, was to repopulate the PD. Given an extreme aversion to young, it is no wonder this individual was found abandoned by its own parents. Currently the only supply of PDs is from finds in indigenous regions.
Phylogenically they vary from normal humans in a number of distinctive ways, and there is no evidence that they are genetically compatible with homo sapiens.
Special features include:
1) Extreme limbal stumpiness.
2) 1st phalange flatness
3) Very sexy features such as round ass, amazing breasts, and curvy legs
4) Susceptibility to brown root disorder
5) Pathological food stealing
6) Disproportionate strength
Dear readers: Please note that I frequently claim to be "raised by wolves" to excuse my deficient social skills and lack of fashion sense (an interesting reference with regard to my recent Ancient Rome obsession). My real parents are very much involved in my life and would never abandon me!